Your absence still kills me

That smile

One o'clock in the morning and I'm still up, sitting in front of the computer just flashing back all of our memories that we've spent together. Our memories together aren't many, but its what that makes it as precious as time that could not be bought but wanted by many. I'd usually get yelled at real bad if she caught me not being asleep at this hour yet. I'd kill to just get all of those back but we all know that it'll never happen.

Without even noticing how fast time flies, it has already been a year mom's gone. Can you imagine? One year already. We're already facing so much problems without her within a year, imagine the havoc we're gonna face for another ten or twenty more years. Not trying to be totally negative and everything but I seriously still cannot see myself being able to cope with the life where she's not around anymore. Up till now, I still miss her dearly. "You'll get used to it" they say. Well to be honest, no, I'll never ever be able to get used to it. This pain and emptiness that I'll always feel will never go away. No one can ever replace it.

A huge part of me doesn't feel like attending school today. I want to just stay at home, lie in bed and cry till my eyes sore but then again, I couldn't. I just couldn't.. 

I don't like times like these. I feel so worthless and weak. I'd really like to cry out loud but I can't. It wouldn't make any difference. It doesn't help much. Never really once did.