To make lemonades out of lemons are not easy

I feel worthless and pathetic all the time and this makes me sad.

But I tend to get back up on my feet and put a great big smile on my face after a while cause I don't want others to worry. I want people to know that I'm capable of handling everything. Like a mature adult. 

But sometimes, I just feel so tired of having this kind of thinking and all I want is to stop doing so and feel the care that people are willing to give. 

Problem is, whenever I think that I could actually accept all those, I close back up again, not willing to receive anything at all because I have this thinking that I'd burden people and that its a must for me to act and think like a fully grown mature adult.

To be honest, I don't like the way of living I have now. I know I'm suppose to appreciate everything I have in life right now, to make lemonades if life gives you lemons and shit but it's not easy. It really isn't. Believe me, you won't know unless you've experienced it.