Once again, I love you.

It's that time of the year where I feel the guilt and cry myself to sleep again.

Not to say that it only happens on Mother's Day. That amount of pain still haunts me once in a while. Every single time I actually thought that I've moved on, it just comes back to prove me wrong. Kinda expected it anyways since I already knew from the start that I'd probably never let go.

I try to live life like how she would, with less hate and more love to give. It wasn't easy since I wasn't a very patient person. Life's hard living without her, especially when I have to go through that drastic change in my life but then again I wouldn't say that it's all shitty since I've met a new group of friends that care and love me even though I have to face all these inner demons and all the trashy situations I have to face. Not forgetting, him. Despite the fact that he's very derpy and blur, he's been very patient with me ever since we've been together and that.. reminds me of my mom a lot.. I know that it's not easy being patient when it comes to dealing with me and I'm very grateful that he's always willing to take a step back and still love me, which was also something my mother would always do..

I hated how she was taken away from me but then again, its just impossible to hate someone you believe in so much.. I know, everything happens for a reason but sometimes you're just get so darn tired of everything. Tired of all this pain and bullshit even though you just know that it'll all be for a good cause..

I miss her... I wanna be able to post up pictures of me and her on social medias like what others are doing too.. I wanna write shit loads of essays of how much I love her and shit. Life's unfair, and sometimes I hate it so much till that point where I've given up hope but it's okay.. I'll be strong. I'll be strong just for you...

I love you.